Remote School

This week I wanted to take some time to reflect on my experience with remote schooling. 2020 has been  a year unlike any other and we are all feeling the effects of a global pandemic. Remote school has been especially challenging for me, which is odd because I'm doing fine in classes, and I'm submitting assignments on time or even early. Despite all of this, I've never felt so much emotional struggle with school. 

In 2016, after bouncing around different schools for partial class loads and different jobs in retail, food service, and just about any other entry level position you could think of, I went back to school at Red Rocks Community College. Though there was a bit of a rough start, I began to excel in school. I was so motivated for all of my classes, even those outside my major (Business at the time) I approached with a growth mindset and was able to find immense value in just learning for learning's sake. I felt like I was expanding my horizons, broadening my mind and making meaningful connections. After switching my major to Psychology, I felt even more inspired. I was fascinated by the course load and could see myself one day working in a field that would make a real impact in people's lives. 

After graduating in 2018, I took another year away from school. Maybe this was my mistake, but I was experiencing a little burnout just from the amount of work that comes with school and work at the same time. Although I knew I had a passion for psychology, I still didn't have a clear idea of a career that I wanted to aim for. I was also very intimidated by the responsibility of psychology, working with people is a big deal. 

2020 was the big year I decided to return to school. Already, I was back to switching my majors around. I initially applied in the college of Architecture and Planning but at the last minute I switched to a Digital Design Major. 

If I've figured out anything over the course of this last semester, it's that Digital Design is not for me. This is where I'm experiencing so much digital fatigue. Not only are classes online, parking me in front of my computer every weekday morning, but all the assignments are computerized as well. I struggle to find the point or purpose in creating these digital artworks that seem so far away from the hands on artwork I used to create and love. I have so much creative anxiety being entirely new at the software programs, that adds another layer to sharing my work in class alongside those who have been working in the Adobe Suite for years. 

I just didn't understand why school this semester felt so different than that first experience and I think a big reason is because of the remote setting. While I'm not typically someone who struggles to self motivate from home, I miss the connection of a college campus especially at this point in my life when I'm exploring so many potential paths to follow. If I have a question, it's not just a matter of walking to the career counselor's office. I have to find who to talk to on the college website, figure out how to reach out to them, await an email reply (sometimes saying I'm asking the wrong department entirely which means I have to start the process over). And it's just exhausting. I find myself thinking "why did I ever start school this semester? 

Luckily though, I had a wonderful meeting with a career counsellor this morning over the phone and she was able to answer a lot of questions for me. Basically this blog post is just a reminder to myself to keep going, and a sign to others who might read it if you're also feeling a bit stressed and directionless in the world, that you're not alone. Try not to worry so much about the future and just be in the present moment.