Finding Inspiration

There was a point in time where I decided to stop being creative. 

In high school I loved making art, everything from painting and drawing to sculpture and customizing clothes. After high school I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I did want to do something creative. I received several scholarships for my artwork which was hung in a local gallery, and I applied and was accepted to several art colleges. 

There were three problems. 

1. I didn't feel like I was good enough. Somewhere in high school, I think it was probably during my AP Art class where we were required to creative a piece every week and submit them at the end of the year to a panel of judges, I started feeling more anxiety about creating than gaining joy from it. I didn't want to expand on my skills, because I already saw so many people who were "better than me," and I started to lose motivation for creating. 

2. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I bounced around within artistic careers from costume/fashion design to tattoo artistry to graphic design and finally decided that since I didn't know what I wanted, perhaps I shouldn't pursue art at all. 

3. I was afraid of being judged. My father did not want me to go to art school. He was adamant that I wouldn't make any money, and that if I did go to art school my degree wouldn't have any value. He wanted me to go to a traditional four year school and major in something creative there, if I must. 

I eventually just got exhausted by the constant attacks on my creativity and I didn't think pursuing anything artistic was overall worthwhile. 

So I bounced around to different degrees, and nothing felt quite right. I took some time out of school, just working, and one day I woke up and realized it had been a long time since I had worked on anything remotely artistic. 

So here I am now in this degree. I basically came in one full circle, through many experiences that I honestly wouldn't trade, back to what I originally wanted to go to school for. The creative anxiety is still there, but I know a lot more about how to manage it now. Instead of being intimidated, I am inspired by those, not necessarily with "more skill" than I have, but more experience. 

But it has still been a while since I've worked on anything artistic. It feels like coming back to an old friend, only we haven't talked for a few years and it's a little awkward now. 

Over the weekend, a friend and I went to the Denver Art Museum, and it was wonderful just to be around creative energy again, without any pressure of grades or deadlines, but to simply experience the end result of someone else's creative process. 

Fittingly, the exhibit was about light. 

I'm excited to be inspired by art again, and to illuminate that piece of me which I tucked away into a dark corner for a few years. It's nice to feel inspired again! 

(Pictures are all from The Light Show exhibition at the Denver Art Museum. I'm a bad person and I didn't take note of the creators names).